


Welcome To The Future Shitheads!

by Alecexistsweguess



Series: Pancakes At Midnight [3]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Attempt at Humor, Attempted Murder, BAMF Dai-nana-han | Team 7 (Naruto), BAMF Uzumaki Naruto, Child Abuse, Chouji's just like Time travel? chill, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fox Summons, Foxes, Fucking Uchihas, Hatake's are Wolves, I don't know how to write Rin, I made foxes pack animals cuz fuck off, I'm sorry if she ends up horrible, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kakashi control your children, Kakashi has a poisonous bite, Kenjutsu Sakura, Kid Obito has depression, Late night talks, Little Kakashi has a big fat crush, M/M, Medic Naruto, Naruto is to sober for this Uchiha shit, Naruto makes music sometimes, Naruto punches like Tsunade, Naruto's old pack is dead, Nightmares, Pancakes Cure Nightmares, Sad Gay Boys Club, Sasuke only saw his family die Like 8 times instead of a billion, Sexual Trauma, Shapeshifting, Shinobi is a used as a gender neutral term, Smart Uzumaki Naruto, So does older Obito, Sometimes love doesn't work out, Time Travel, Uchiha Curse of Love, Uchiha curse of Hate, Uzumaki's are Foxes, We Love Kurama, animal summons, baby foxes are also called pups along with kits, cuddle piles, heart broken Chouji, little kakashi is actually a soft boi, pack mentality, suicide attempt (mentioned), the sad gay boys eat to much Ice cream
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-03
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:27:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27374185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alecexistsweguess/pseuds/Alecexistsweguess
Summary: Hiruzen sighed. But this time a bright flash accompanied it and suddenly there were seven people in his office. His ANBU jumped out weapons ready.“Hey, Jiji! You wouldn’t believe what we found!”Looking up at the people in the room he recognized them, team 7 (little devil team) and Namikaze Minato with his genin team.Once again Hiruzen sighed. “What did you three do this time?” he said and signaled his ANBU to stand down.“Jiji! That’s so rude! Why do you immediately blame us? I mean we were planning an epic prank to test planning and stealth but still! You can’t just blame us for everything!”(Or Team Minato ends up in the future, team 7 may not be very sane, little Kakashi has a crush!!, Uchiha's have so many fucking rituals, and yes when things go wrong blame Naruto [it’s usually his fault somehow anyways] only half of Team Minato kinda just want to go home)
Relationships: Akimichi Chouji & Uzumaki Naruto, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 & Akimichi Chouji, Dai-nana-han | Team 7 & Hatake Kakashi, Haruno Sakura & Uzumaki Naruto, Hatake Kakashi & Uzumaki Naruto, Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Obito, Kid Hatake Kakashi/Kid Uchiha Obito, Kyuubi | Nine-tails | Kurama & Uzumaki Naruto, Minor Sarutobi Asuma/Yuuhi Kurenai - Relationship, Namikaze Minato & Uzumaki Naruto, One Sided Akimichi Chouji/Nara Shikamaru, Uchiha Sasuke & Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke/Uzumaki Naruto, Uzumaki Naruto & Kid Hatake Kakashi, Uzumaki Naruto & Kid Uchiha Obito, mentions of Uzumaki Kushina/Namikaze Minato
Series: Pancakes At Midnight [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1996372
Comments: 6
Kudos: 153





	Welcome To The Future Shitheads!

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [You're an asshole but I love you. ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15108536) by [Betsunichan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Betsunichan/pseuds/Betsunichan). 
  * Inspired by [Pack Unbound](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19799575) by [Kalira](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalira/pseuds/Kalira). 
  * Inspired by [Pack Unbound](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19799575) by [Kalira](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalira/pseuds/Kalira). 



> A lot in this story is based on Bestunichan's story. There are some things inspired by Kalira's (I mostly just wanted poisonous bites).  
> Also make sure you read at least the second story of the series.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In Which Hiruzen sighs, Team Minato gets settled in (kind of), Naruto has a talk with little Kakashi, Naruto also bonds with Obito.

_“I’m always afraid of losing the people I love the most. Sometimes I wonder if there is anyone out there afraid to lose me.”_

_Unknown_

Hiruzen sighed. 

He knew that something was going to happen. How? You may ask.

He had little to no paper work and Team Seven hasn’t been reported for doing something stupid. It was a mistake to agree to let Kakashi occasionally go on solo missions. He was the only one who could control them making that team was a mistake. Why did he let it happen again? 

Oh, yes Naruto’s puppy dog eyes that could probably kill someone if he wanted to. 

Hiruzen sighed. But this time a bright flash accompanied it and suddenly there were seven people in his office. His ANBU jumped out weapons ready. 

“Hey, Jiji! You wouldn’t believe what we found!” 

Looking up at the people in the room he recognized them, team 7 (little devil team) and Namikaze Minato with his genin team. 

Once again Hiruzen sighed. “What did you three do this time?” he said and signaled his ANBU to stand down.

“Jiji! That’s so rude! Why do you immediately blame us? I mean we were planning an epic prank to test planning and stealth but still! You can’t just blame us for everything!” 

“Shut up, Naruto. Most things end somehow coming back to us anyways so yes he probably could blame it all on us.” 

“Please it only comes back to you two don’t drag me and sensei into it as well.” 

“But Sakura-chan you’re a part of this team too did you forget? And since you're on this team with sensei, you both also get dragged into our shit!” Naruto said smugly. 

Hiruzen watched them bicker for a minute before clearing his throat. They all turned to look at him. 

“While all this is interesting, Minato could you explain what happened and how you ended up here?” 

“Hai Hokage-sama, our team was meeting for training we were just about to start then we suddenly found ourselves surrounded by an abyss. I had thought it was genjutsu but when I moved my hands to mold my chakra, I couldn;t move my limbs but I could turn my head. When trying to talk I also found myself unable to. Then the feeling of falling but there was a scene of an older version of my student Hatake Kakashi and a young boy around the age of eight the other Kakashi had called him Naruto. It seemed more like a memory than anything else.” 

“Wait, what was something that I asked?” Naruto asked Minato, most of his dementor changing in an instantly. 

“You had asked what it felt like to be in love.” 

“And Kakashi’s response was that it was hard to explain, yes?” 

“Yes it was.” 

“Well Jiji that is something that actually happened.” 

“I see. Bat!” 

An ANBU appeared in front of his desk.

“Call back Jonin Hatake Kakashi from his mission in the Swamp country immediately.” 

“Aw Jiji, you don’t need to do that, we can take care of things while he’s away. Besides all you’ll is worry Sensei that we got arrested or something.”

“The issue is that I don’t trust you alone with such a high class mission and no Jonin would ever agree to being around you after the last incident a month ago.” 

“But Jiji this is an actual mission not trying to get away from our babysitter -that we really don’t need- to have some fun and we always complete our missions?” 

Hiruzen knew that he couldn’t argue with that because team seven always finishes their missions and does a little extra for their sensei always making them late. Sakura who gets along with all the Konoha civilians and Naruto who could get along with anyone who isn’t a Konoha civilian leaving Sasuke and Kakashi the most socially awkward to be able to just exist. 

So Hiruzen sighed and with great reluctance he granted the mission, told Naruto to teach them his _henge_ and that the only safe place is the Hatake compound (because somehow it ended up being even more secure than their Bijuu sealing chamber), and that Minato would be in charge of them mostly until Kakashi had returned from his mission. 

“And Minato.” 

“Yes Hokage-sama?” 

“I really wish you the best of luck.” 

“Ah, thank you Hokage-sama.” 

That poor boy has no idea what he got himself into, and Hiruzen sighed once more as the group flashed out of sight. 

\---

“Well I guess we should get you all situated into your rooms for today we’ll call you down for food but you guys should sleep, and tomorrow we’ll brief you on all the important stuff.” Naruto said soon after they arrived. 

“So follow me, I’ll help you settle in.” They followed him for a little while his other teammates branched off from them as soon as they entered the house.

“Um.” Rin started but wasn’t sure exactly how to word what she wanted to say.

“Yes?” Naruto blinked at her. 

“It’s just you all are taking this like it’s completely normal, so I was wondering if stuff like this happens a lot?” 

“Um, well not stuff as big as time travel, unless you count that one time we ended up in a different dimensions, but yeah crazy shit happens to us like on a daily basis which is why Jiji kinda just sighed it off like I just gave him a stack of paperwork or something. But for something this big I’m surprised that Sensei isn’t here.” 

“You mentioned your Sensei a lot, who is he?” 

“Ah you mean we didn’t say it before? Could have sworn we did. Well, our Sensei is Hatake Kakashi of course!” 

“What!?!” yelled Obito. Kakashi seemed to be disgusted by the idea of teaching anything. 

“Ah. I see you came out your weird trance thing, then.” 

“Why is Bakashi teaching anything!?! Who even thinks that’s a good idea!?!” 

“Well you seem to be forgetting that most Jonin need to be ordered to take on a genin team, ‘cuz they really don’t want to deal with children going through puberty. But I can also guarantee that Sensei told them it was a horrible idea, I mean no one listened and did anyways so anything chaotic that we do they only have themselves to blame.” 

“Doesn’t Kakashi-kun stop you?” Rin asked 

“Ha! He’s actually our enabler his own way of getting revenge for giving him children going through puberty.” 

“Kakashi’s an enabler? I find that hard to believe.” Minato said. Obito nodded along with this statement. Younger Kakashi seemed to become even more disgusted as the conversation went on. 

“Well, a lot can change a person after, what? Almost twenty years, I think.” 

“Ah so how old is Kakashi now?” 

“He’s twenty-six.” 

“Ah, then it has been a while. Also in the memory we saw Kakashi mention we died, could you tell us how that happened? Unless you don’t know or it would mess something up.” 

“Ah well time travel is complicated. Theoretically when you go back to your own time it should create an alternate dimension, but there is a chance that this time will cease to exist but I highly doubt that would ever happen.” 

“So you're saying that when we go back you’ll all die!?!” Obito yelled. 

“What? No. I was saying that there was a slight chance that we will cease to exist instead of branching off as a different dimension.” 

“That’s just a different way of saying you're all gonna die!” 

“No, I said we will cease to exist as in this version of ourselves will never have existed in the first place. Well that's what Kurama says anyways.” 

“Who’s Kurama?” Minato asked.

“That is one of things that’s going to be explained tomorrow along how you all die and other major events. Ah. Rin this is your room, Sakura will let you borrow some of her clothes she’ll bring them by in a couple of minutes along with a clean futon.” 

“Ah Thank you, Naruto-san.” 

“Your welcome, Rin. And Naruto is just fine.” With that she went into her room. And the others moved down the hall. 

“Minato this is your room Sasuke should also be bringing a futon along soon, and some clothes. Feel free to do what you wish as long as you don’t wreck it too much.”

“Thank you, Naruto-kun.”

“No problem.” 

They kept walking.

“So is anyone going to know about, you know us time traveling?” Obito asked.

“No. You can’t tell anyone your real name and tomorrow you are going to learn a special highly advanced _henge_ that I made myself, no one can see through it. I’ll tell you more about it tomorrow. But for now no one can know because of spies and other power hungry individuals who could do who knows what with it.” 

“Yeah that makes sense. Uh, you said important events and stuff, so like what kinds of important events?” 

“Just be patient, you’ll learn everything you need to tomorrow. This will be your room, Sasuke will bring you a futon and I will be bringing you some clothes. But you won’t be able to wear your clan crest for reasons that will be explained tomorrow.”

“Ehh? Why can’t you just explain it now?”

“Because I don’t want to explain it multiple times, obviously.” 

“Ah, I guess that makes sense.” he said sheepishly. Then he went into his room closing the door behind him. 

Naruto looked over at the small form of Kakashi. 

“Well let’s get going.” 

Kakashi said nothing, only following him down the hall. They walked for a couple minutes when Kakashi noticed his room was farther away from all the others. Naruto stopped in front of a door and he opened it by putting some chakra into the seal on the door. 

This confused Kakashi because wasn’t this his room? Why would he need seals to lock it. So when Naruto went into the room, Kakashi paused at the door. 

“Well what are you waiting for? Come on in, and close the door behind you.” 

“Why did you take me here? This obviously isn’t where I’m staying.” 

“Of course it’s not where you're staying and I’ll explain why I brought you here once you come in and close the door.” 

Kakashi hesitantly walked in and closed the door, hearing the seal hiss slightly as it activated again, locking the room.

“Well take a seat.”

In the middle of the floor there were blankets and pillows put in a way that it looked like a nest. There was a water dispenser and a trash can next to it. There was a door to the left that led to what looked like a bathroom and closet next to it that was filled with even more blankets and pillows. Naruto was sitting leaning against some of the pillows. Kakashi sat across from him. 

“This is what I like to call the nesting room, for obvious reasons. There are only two other people who have access to this room besides myself.”

“Then why are you letting me in here if it’s so special?” 

“You’re in love with Obito right?” 

“What!? No! Why would you ever think that.” Kakashi was caught off guard by the question. No one had noticed his small infatuation that he had with the Uchiha, but this stranger who didn’t know him for longer than an hour had called him out on it like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

“Well you're actually really good at hiding it at first I thought you were looking at me, you know analyzing me, but then I noticed that you were actually staring at your teammate.” 

“Even if I was looking at him, why would that mean I was in love with him. Shinobi aren’t supposed to be in love anyways.” 

“First off the only reason you actually answer your Sensei is because you respect him, you won’t even glance Rin’s way unless you need something, but for some reason you're staring at Obito all of the time. Yeah, not to mention your scent and how your chakra reacts to him also kind of gives it away about how happy you are to be near him.” 

“And second, the only reason we have rules/sayings like shinobi don’t feel or love or anything is because of civilians. Civilians can’t really handle the idea that they’re sending people to go die, or the fact that they are living murderers and thieves. One of the reasons we have D-rank missions is so that the civilians can think that they aren’t sending children to go die for them, and teamwork. So don’t think like that because it’s only going to hurt you more in the end.” 

Kakashi was slightly surprised, he had never thought about it that way. 

“So it’s not bad that you love him.”

“...he’s in love with Rin.” 

“Ah, actually he’s not.” 

“What of course he is haven’t you seen the way he acts around her?”

“Naw, that’s not love or at least romantic love. He’s just confused, he only has a little platonic crush on her.” 

“A platonic crush?” 

“Oh, yeah you don’t know about Uchiha’s do you?” 

“... what does that have to do with anything?” 

“Okay so what most people don’t know about Uchiha’s and the reason they act the way they do is because they love very deeply, but if their object/person(s) of that affection is killed they fall to something they call the Curse of Hatred. They will do anything to get revenge however they see fit it drives them to madness and a path of death. But they also have another curse they call the Curse of Love, the curse of love is one of the main reasons Uchiha’s keep to themselves because the Curse of Love comes into play when there is a person who is either of equal strength or stronger, who they first unconsciously acknowledge them as such but when they consciously acknowledge it, or when the person breaks a certain number of bones (it depends on the Uchiha) they often fall in love them. This love will last for the rest of the Uchiha’s life. At first there is usually a time where the Uchiha will stay away from them until they become stronger and start to court their chosen person, most of the time the courting ends when they get married. And since Obito is platonically smitten for Rin, you could perform the ritual and he will fall in love with you and try to woo you.” 

“Is this the reason that in the academy we have an entire unit dedicated to the dangers if an Uchiha’s love (whether it was platonic or romantic) gets taken from them?” 

“Yeah probably. But for Obito it’s kind of young for you to perform the ritual since you like ten, but if you decide to make sure i’m there, okay?”

“Why do you need to be there?” 

“I’m a medic I can heal all of the bones that you break, and he’ll most likely be completely out of it, and I’m the only one who knows how it all goes down so if something wrong happens I’ll be able to tell.” 

“Yeah okay.” 

“Oh, Right! The real reason I brought you here is because I wanted you to join the club that I have with my friend and I think you’ll be the perfect fit for it.” 

“What type of club is it?” 

“The Sad Gay Boys Club, of course!” Naruto chirped. 

Kakashi thought about it there was only one other person in this club and besides them only one other person could get into the room (it’s probably his older self anyways). Thinking about the pros and cons about it. He knew that he was a shinobi and he should conceal his emotions but it’s like anyone but Naruto and his friend would know. 

“Sure.” Kakashi shrugged. 

“Great! Later I’ll key you into the seal, but for now let's get you to your room. I still have to give Obito some clothes as well.” 

As Kakashi was getting up he noticed that he was completely relaxed and calm and he couldn’t remember the last time he felt this way. So he blinked surprised, Naruto laughed at his reaction. 

“You know one of the other reasons this is called the nesting room is because of the way it affects people makes them feel safe like they did when young and at home.” 

Kakashi just nodded his head before following Naruto out of the room and back down the hall stopping in front of the room next to Obito’s, Naruto gave him a wink before saying 

“Sasuke should have already dropped off a futon and some clothes. So go take a bath and sleep or something.”

Kakashi just nodded again before heading into his room. Naruto went over to his room to grab some clothes for Obito. They were relatively the same size so it shouldn’t be a problem. What could be a problem is the pain Obito was in, Naruto wouldn’t have noticed it if it wasn’t for his scent and having to check his chakra confirmed it, it was barely there and he was sure Kakashi didn’t catch it for the reason Obito was trying to hide it from him. 

Naruto went back over to Obito’s room before knocking. The door was opened only a second later. 

“Hi, I brought you some clothes. Could I perhaps come to talk a little?” 

“Uh, yeah. Hey, come on in.” He said awkwardly as he stepped to the side to give Naruto room to enter. 

Obito closed the door behind him and Naruto placed the clothes on the dresser, before he grabbed a seal and slapped it on the wall. Obito looked at it confused. 

“What’s that for?” 

“It’s a privacy seal.” 

“Okay, so why do we need it?” 

“To make sure Kakashi doesn’t hear anything we say. Now let me see your injuries.” 

“Injuries? I don’t have any injuries! And besides if I did I would get Rin to heal them she’s a medic you know!” 

“I am also a medic. A medic that can tell your in pain from your scent and the way you’re chakra is reacting, so show me your injuries so that I can heal them.” 

Obito flinched at that because he had never met a medic who could smell pain. Reluctantly he said “Fine.” and took off his shirt to show bruising and welts that had formed on his skin. 

Naruto reached his hands out as they glowed green with chakra. He moved them across his torso to examine all the wounds. 

“Is this all of them?” 

“Yes.” His scent turned the tiniest bit sour and his chakra wavered. 

“Don’t lie to me. Where are the other ones.”

Obito didn’t answer and only turned his head to the side, he looked ashamed. 

“There is nothing to be ashamed of Obito, everything that you show me and tell me will remain between us never to be spoken about unless in this room with the seals activated.” 

Obito only flushed with shame. 

“How about I heal the injuries here then we can talk about the other ones you're trying to hide from me, yeah?” 

“...okay” he answered in a small voice. 

_‘Yes, definitely a case of abuse, judging from the injuries and scars this has been going on since it was about six. That means I have to work on helping him heal from seven years of abuse from an unknown assailant.’_ mentally Naruto sighed. 

He hated that this happens right under the nose of his Sensei and even Obito’s team, how had that medic not known. Was she just to stupid to see it? No, she isn’t that dumb. So was Obito just so good at hiding it? Probably, but every mask breaks eventually. Damn, he really needed to start teaching Kakashi how to tell if someone was in pain by just their scent. 

When Naruto was half way done he looked up at Obito’s face it held slight confusion. 

“You can ask me any questions you have.” He said calmly as he continued to work.

“oh um, I just noticed that, it- um felt different from what Rin does.” 

“Ah well that's probably because my Medical Ninjutsu is different than hers. You see there are two different types of Medical Ninjutsu one that’s the most common, Type 1, that's the one Rin does, it takes the cells and tissue that the body already has and thins it out more to cover or “fix” the wound, this is dangerous to do multiple times in the same place especially on bones because it becomes fragile. But the one I do, Type 2, is a lot harder but it’s safer for the person being healed it makes new cells and tissue fixing it as if there was nothing there in the first place, most of the time it can get rid of scars as well. Speaking of scars would you like me to try and get rid of them.” Naruto said as he finished healing the bruises and welts. 

“... no, I think I want to keep them, but I’m not really sure why.” 

“Are you ashamed of them?” 

“... yes.” 

“That’s one of the reasons why you barely show any skin right?” 

“...yes” 

“Then maybe you want to one day not be ashamed at all and wear them with pride because I think you could totally pull that off.” 

“...really?” 

“Yep.” 

“thanks.” 

“There is nothing to thank me for. Will you let me look at your other injuries?” 

Obito froze and stood there for about five minutes having a small war inside his head before he moved over to the bed removing the rest of his clothes. He laid on the bed and opened his thighs as he flush in shame. 

Naruto saw the hand shaped bruises on his thighs and tearing in between his legs. Naruto was angry. Why would anyone do this Obito? Sweet little Obito that his Nii-san always talked about. Naruto was angry because someone had tied, beaten, whipped, and rapped Obito. Naruto was going to kill them. He didn’t care if he had to time travel to do it he would, he would kill them.

_‘No, now is not the time to think of this. Thinking of this now would only make Obito more ashamed of it and continue to close up about it.’_ Naruto thought. 

“This is nothing to be ashamed of Obito, it wasn’t your fault.”

Obito said nothing, he only flinched as Naruto came close, his hands glowed green and Obito stayed tense. 

When Naruto finished he quickly backed away and Obito relaxed and closed his thighs immediately and went to put his clothes back on.

“I’ve healed all of the tearing. Physically it will feel like it never happened. Now if any of this happens again you will come and find me, okay?” 

“...okay.” 

“You know I think you would make a great medic.” 

“What?” 

“A medic. You would be a great one.” 

“Uchiha’s aren’t medics.” 

“Then be the first.” 

“We have Rin on our team; we don’t need a medic.” 

“But if something happens to Rin like she’s unconscious and Kakashi needs a medic or maybe you're put on a different team for a mission and someone gets hurt. What will happen then.” 

“But if I’m a medic then I can’t fight!” 

“Oh, you can fight just fine as long as you don’t put medic as your specialty, like me. My registered specialty will be Fuinjutsu and my second is Ninjutsu, you know since you really don’t need one until you're at least a Chunin.” 

“But I have the worst chakra control.” 

“Ah, so did I. That's one of the original reasons why I started medical ninjutsu. You see one of the things I was going to tell you tomorrow is that I’m actually a jinchuuriki, so that means that I’m the first jinchuuriki that became a medic, because everyone thought it was impossible. It really just means you need to work on it.” 

“I don’t know, I mean maybe but I’m really not sure.” 

“That’s okay, just think about it. If you decide to do it then I can teach you Type 2 medical-ninjutsu. But for now just take your time and think about it, okay?” 

“Okay.” 

“Now I have to make sure Sakura and Sasuke didn’t burn something. Just get some rest and we’ll get you for dinner.” 

“Alright, bye Naruto!” 

“Bye, Obito see you later!” He said as he left the room and closed the door behind him. 

He did wonder if his teammates had somehow not burned something, that would be a miracle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay this story is on pause do to fandom switching (sorry). But while that's happening, what summons should Sasuke get? This is like waaay ahead but I need ideas. There's three votes for Sakura x Ino so keep voting on that please!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry Obito, this wasn't in the plan but it kinda just happened.  
> The quote at the top is for Obito.  
> Also who would be interested in Sakura x Ino, because I'm not really sure I want to ship Sakura with someone but I was thinking maybe Ino so tell me if you're interested or not. Thanks.


End file.
